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I’ve always been prone to low spells, but in my late twenties (my 🪐 friends get it), the weight became something I couldn’t carry alone. I’d wake up and immediately feel a wave of sadness so heavy I’d be sobbing before I even started my day.

After a career game changer that almost was, I spiraled even further than I thought possible. The thing that was supposed to save me didn’t happen. The relief of what was weighing on me didn’t come. I told my mom I had failed at fixing myself through yoga and meditation. The truth was, I couldn’t mindfulness my way out of a medical condition.

The last decade has been a journey of trial and error. I’ve tried TMS therapy 5 days a week. I’ve had providers drop my care with zero notice. I’ve googled whether my insurance covered in-patient rehabilitation. I’ve fallen into the trap of thinking “I feel better, I don’t need meds anymore,” only to inevitably crash and burn. It wasn’t until I finally saw the letters MDD (Major Depressive Disorder) on some bloodwork that I felt I could stop blaming myself.

Today, my treatment is daily medication and ketamine therapy every other week. Esketamine has been a game changer, though heavily gatekept by insurance. It’s allowed me to process trauma without re-living it with a visceral reaction/panic attack. I can just be in the room with it and process at my own pace.

I still have days where I struggle with artist dread… wondering if I’m still relevant or if I was ever actually good. I’ve learned that my depression is a mix of medical reality and life circumstance.

I am radically honest about my journey to those who ask and I feel called to intentionally share it to those who aren’t ready to ask. I hope this finds someone who needs to know they’re not alone and that it is maybe time to get some help in whatever capacity is best for them.

I’m grateful for my providers who genuinely care, the friends and family who held me when I didn’t know why I was alive, and the fact that I’m still here to tell the story. 🤍
#MentalHealthAwarenessMonth #MHAM2026 #moregooddaystogether #MDD

proof of life 🌴

Needless to say, I felt wealthy.
Commotion for the dress and the borrowed @parmigianifleurier Friday evening at WatchTime New York.
👗 @jluxlabel
📸 @zlo_watches @caleb_liam

Needless to say, I felt wealthy.
Commotion for the dress and the borrowed @parmigianifleurier Friday evening at WatchTime New York.
👗 @jluxlabel
📸 @zlo_watches @caleb_liam

Needless to say, I felt wealthy.
Commotion for the dress and the borrowed @parmigianifleurier Friday evening at WatchTime New York.
👗 @jluxlabel
📸 @zlo_watches @caleb_liam

Needless to say, I felt wealthy.
Commotion for the dress and the borrowed @parmigianifleurier Friday evening at WatchTime New York.
👗 @jluxlabel
📸 @zlo_watches @caleb_liam

Needless to say, I felt wealthy.
Commotion for the dress and the borrowed @parmigianifleurier Friday evening at WatchTime New York.
👗 @jluxlabel
📸 @zlo_watches @caleb_liam

Needless to say, I felt wealthy.
Commotion for the dress and the borrowed @parmigianifleurier Friday evening at WatchTime New York.
👗 @jluxlabel
📸 @zlo_watches @caleb_liam

A glimpse of my person’s brilliance, our marriage, and my unhinged insanity. Happy Birthday my love. ❤️

A glimpse of my person’s brilliance, our marriage, and my unhinged insanity. Happy Birthday my love. ❤️

A glimpse of my person’s brilliance, our marriage, and my unhinged insanity. Happy Birthday my love. ❤️

A glimpse of my person’s brilliance, our marriage, and my unhinged insanity. Happy Birthday my love. ❤️

A glimpse of my person’s brilliance, our marriage, and my unhinged insanity. Happy Birthday my love. ❤️

A glimpse of my person’s brilliance, our marriage, and my unhinged insanity. Happy Birthday my love. ❤️

A glimpse of my person’s brilliance, our marriage, and my unhinged insanity. Happy Birthday my love. ❤️

Never posted something so quickly to the grid. I will remember this moment for the rest of my life. #🌈

🕴🏻

With the help of @rayfellman @cosmoclemens and @stecohen we gave our beloved @tweelabee the surprise of a lifetime! Full video coming soon, but in the meanwhile cry and weep at how sweet this man is and the best hug I’ve had in a long time. 😍

#iumt #iumtalumni #indianauniversity #bestfriends #happyretirement @iumusicaltheatre @iubloomington

With the help of @rayfellman @cosmoclemens and @stecohen we gave our beloved @tweelabee the surprise of a lifetime! Full video coming soon, but in the meanwhile cry and weep at how sweet this man is and the best hug I’ve had in a long time. 😍

#iumt #iumtalumni #indianauniversity #bestfriends #happyretirement @iumusicaltheatre @iubloomington

With the help of @rayfellman @cosmoclemens and @stecohen we gave our beloved @tweelabee the surprise of a lifetime! Full video coming soon, but in the meanwhile cry and weep at how sweet this man is and the best hug I’ve had in a long time. 😍

#iumt #iumtalumni #indianauniversity #bestfriends #happyretirement @iumusicaltheatre @iubloomington

With the help of @rayfellman @cosmoclemens and @stecohen we gave our beloved @tweelabee the surprise of a lifetime! Full video coming soon, but in the meanwhile cry and weep at how sweet this man is and the best hug I’ve had in a long time. 😍

#iumt #iumtalumni #indianauniversity #bestfriends #happyretirement @iumusicaltheatre @iubloomington

With the help of @rayfellman @cosmoclemens and @stecohen we gave our beloved @tweelabee the surprise of a lifetime! Full video coming soon, but in the meanwhile cry and weep at how sweet this man is and the best hug I’ve had in a long time. 😍

#iumt #iumtalumni #indianauniversity #bestfriends #happyretirement @iumusicaltheatre @iubloomington

Cue impulse decision to step back from social media for a while. I will miss the memes.

Scaled a mountain to get the pose. Worth it? Yes.
So happy to have Sis and Safety Sean with us in Sweden. Elliott’s laugh is balm for the soul.
#nimis #travelsweden #🇸🇪

Scaled a mountain to get the pose. Worth it? Yes.
So happy to have Sis and Safety Sean with us in Sweden. Elliott’s laugh is balm for the soul.
#nimis #travelsweden #🇸🇪

Escaped to Ireland for a week and by some miracle I stayed off this heathen app for the majority of my trip. The smell of this room is now a core memory. 📚✨

I don’t always hike in flip flops to a restaurant on the side of a cliff overlooking the sea, but when I do I reward myself with a g+t &🍦.
May my summers never be any less than this - these things we pray amen. 🙏🏼🇸🇪

I don’t always hike in flip flops to a restaurant on the side of a cliff overlooking the sea, but when I do I reward myself with a g+t &🍦.
May my summers never be any less than this - these things we pray amen. 🙏🏼🇸🇪

11:30pm #swedishsummer