Enregistrement d'histoires Instagram

Yo spagmetaballs which incase you didn’t know is the new OBLIGATORY fashion of spelling spaghetti and meatballs, in accordance with 2026 WHO guidelines and WHO am I to judge such a delicate matter?

Many have asked and even written legal correspondence requesting evidence of how I’ve been entertaining myself:

so here are some Twerks in Progress, Perks in the Pipeline and morsels of Hansel and Gretel’s meandering witch-poisoned path leading directly to the synapses that invent the mirage that is my existence on this planet, Uranus, Peterborough, PE15 XLW.

If you made it to the end of that then congratulations and if not, as they say in the trade, Better Luck Next Time Dave Mate If They Wanted A Functioning Plumbing System They Should Have Hired A Qualified Tradesman.

Cheers and thank you kindly for your attention,

Barnacle Westbury xxxxxxxxxx

Yo spagmetaballs which incase you didn’t know is the new OBLIGATORY fashion of spelling spaghetti and meatballs, in accordance with 2026 WHO guidelines and WHO am I to judge such a delicate matter?

Many have asked and even written legal correspondence requesting evidence of how I’ve been entertaining myself:

so here are some Twerks in Progress, Perks in the Pipeline and morsels of Hansel and Gretel’s meandering witch-poisoned path leading directly to the synapses that invent the mirage that is my existence on this planet, Uranus, Peterborough, PE15 XLW.

If you made it to the end of that then congratulations and if not, as they say in the trade, Better Luck Next Time Dave Mate If They Wanted A Functioning Plumbing System They Should Have Hired A Qualified Tradesman.

Cheers and thank you kindly for your attention,

Barnacle Westbury xxxxxxxxxx

Yo spagmetaballs which incase you didn’t know is the new OBLIGATORY fashion of spelling spaghetti and meatballs, in accordance with 2026 WHO guidelines and WHO am I to judge such a delicate matter?

Many have asked and even written legal correspondence requesting evidence of how I’ve been entertaining myself:

so here are some Twerks in Progress, Perks in the Pipeline and morsels of Hansel and Gretel’s meandering witch-poisoned path leading directly to the synapses that invent the mirage that is my existence on this planet, Uranus, Peterborough, PE15 XLW.

If you made it to the end of that then congratulations and if not, as they say in the trade, Better Luck Next Time Dave Mate If They Wanted A Functioning Plumbing System They Should Have Hired A Qualified Tradesman.

Cheers and thank you kindly for your attention,

Barnacle Westbury xxxxxxxxxx

Yo spagmetaballs which incase you didn’t know is the new OBLIGATORY fashion of spelling spaghetti and meatballs, in accordance with 2026 WHO guidelines and WHO am I to judge such a delicate matter?

Many have asked and even written legal correspondence requesting evidence of how I’ve been entertaining myself:

so here are some Twerks in Progress, Perks in the Pipeline and morsels of Hansel and Gretel’s meandering witch-poisoned path leading directly to the synapses that invent the mirage that is my existence on this planet, Uranus, Peterborough, PE15 XLW.

If you made it to the end of that then congratulations and if not, as they say in the trade, Better Luck Next Time Dave Mate If They Wanted A Functioning Plumbing System They Should Have Hired A Qualified Tradesman.

Cheers and thank you kindly for your attention,

Barnacle Westbury xxxxxxxxxx

Yo spagmetaballs which incase you didn’t know is the new OBLIGATORY fashion of spelling spaghetti and meatballs, in accordance with 2026 WHO guidelines and WHO am I to judge such a delicate matter?

Many have asked and even written legal correspondence requesting evidence of how I’ve been entertaining myself:

so here are some Twerks in Progress, Perks in the Pipeline and morsels of Hansel and Gretel’s meandering witch-poisoned path leading directly to the synapses that invent the mirage that is my existence on this planet, Uranus, Peterborough, PE15 XLW.

If you made it to the end of that then congratulations and if not, as they say in the trade, Better Luck Next Time Dave Mate If They Wanted A Functioning Plumbing System They Should Have Hired A Qualified Tradesman.

Cheers and thank you kindly for your attention,

Barnacle Westbury xxxxxxxxxx

Yo spagmetaballs which incase you didn’t know is the new OBLIGATORY fashion of spelling spaghetti and meatballs, in accordance with 2026 WHO guidelines and WHO am I to judge such a delicate matter?

Many have asked and even written legal correspondence requesting evidence of how I’ve been entertaining myself:

so here are some Twerks in Progress, Perks in the Pipeline and morsels of Hansel and Gretel’s meandering witch-poisoned path leading directly to the synapses that invent the mirage that is my existence on this planet, Uranus, Peterborough, PE15 XLW.

If you made it to the end of that then congratulations and if not, as they say in the trade, Better Luck Next Time Dave Mate If They Wanted A Functioning Plumbing System They Should Have Hired A Qualified Tradesman.

Cheers and thank you kindly for your attention,

Barnacle Westbury xxxxxxxxxx

GOOD EVENING to all you football one and all.

The Semen Bile Football club are making a very special appearance in 🔮 print format 🔮 (watch to the end hehe) to be auctioned as part of IMTwenty One at @imtgallery to celebrate their big 21. Opening this Thursday 14th!

More to come on this very talented group of players in due course. The squad usually shy away from the glamour of the big footie lifestyle, preferring to hang back in the changing room and analyse the nutritional data printed on Alan shearer’s arse in 1995.

So this is a very special occasion!

Fling yer boots and swing yer brutes,

Mrs Larry Twiniker xxxxxxx

Yoooohoooo noodle flippers!
Either been eating a lot of salami, having a lot of eczema, both, or indeed been thinking about a life without skin as we know it.
Time to walk home on water, skim-reading full fat milk on a tricycle made of travesties.
Keep all the seasoning within reason,
Yours forever in brine,
Mount Etna Devere xxxxxx

SPACE GYM!!!

This is actually an informercial I made in 2022 to help show everyone how easy it is to go to the gym and indeed make lifelong friends there- all you need to do is ask the right questions.

So far I’ve had 6 loyal customers worldwide say it’s been a miracle cure for their lifelong aversions to Kiss FM and verrucas alike!

“Since watching Space Gym I only drank Ribena once and spat it out in the Thames immediately”- Rose Watson (Peterborough)

“Space Gym has changed my family, my toe alignment and my Thames Water contract! A miracle!”- Peter Crouch from Football

“Can anyone implant Space Gym into my brain chip I can’t keep snorting it like this”- The manager of Silicon Valley (yes really!)

Cheers everyone and keep liftin the spirits high n the dumbbells heavy,

In fortitude,

Lucky Len xxxxxxx

THE NICORETTE BALLET (WIP PT. 2) feat my pummelled gum warmed up under my armpit and other cheeky bits of the process.

Laaaaaa Corridor
Nananananaaaa corridor
NANNA NANNA NANNAA Dior weewee palli walli dior door

Sorry you just caught me in the middle of singing the opera song from the British airways tv advert from back in the day! Top tune.

Pummelling gum has been the name on the lips of all chewers pirouetting life’s forget me nots, forget me sometimes and forget me and I’ll report you to environmental services, Gareth, I mean that.

Cheers and always remember the dogs 🧡

Disgracey Solomon xxxxxxx

THE NICORETTE BALLET (WIP PT. 2) feat my pummelled gum warmed up under my armpit and other cheeky bits of the process.

Laaaaaa Corridor
Nananananaaaa corridor
NANNA NANNA NANNAA Dior weewee palli walli dior door

Sorry you just caught me in the middle of singing the opera song from the British airways tv advert from back in the day! Top tune.

Pummelling gum has been the name on the lips of all chewers pirouetting life’s forget me nots, forget me sometimes and forget me and I’ll report you to environmental services, Gareth, I mean that.

Cheers and always remember the dogs 🧡

Disgracey Solomon xxxxxxx

THE NICORETTE BALLET (WIP PT. 2) feat my pummelled gum warmed up under my armpit and other cheeky bits of the process.

Laaaaaa Corridor
Nananananaaaa corridor
NANNA NANNA NANNAA Dior weewee palli walli dior door

Sorry you just caught me in the middle of singing the opera song from the British airways tv advert from back in the day! Top tune.

Pummelling gum has been the name on the lips of all chewers pirouetting life’s forget me nots, forget me sometimes and forget me and I’ll report you to environmental services, Gareth, I mean that.

Cheers and always remember the dogs 🧡

Disgracey Solomon xxxxxxx

THE NICORETTE BALLET (WIP PT. 2) feat my pummelled gum warmed up under my armpit and other cheeky bits of the process.

Laaaaaa Corridor
Nananananaaaa corridor
NANNA NANNA NANNAA Dior weewee palli walli dior door

Sorry you just caught me in the middle of singing the opera song from the British airways tv advert from back in the day! Top tune.

Pummelling gum has been the name on the lips of all chewers pirouetting life’s forget me nots, forget me sometimes and forget me and I’ll report you to environmental services, Gareth, I mean that.

Cheers and always remember the dogs 🧡

Disgracey Solomon xxxxxxx

THE NICORETTE BALLET (WIP PT. 2) feat my pummelled gum warmed up under my armpit and other cheeky bits of the process.

Laaaaaa Corridor
Nananananaaaa corridor
NANNA NANNA NANNAA Dior weewee palli walli dior door

Sorry you just caught me in the middle of singing the opera song from the British airways tv advert from back in the day! Top tune.

Pummelling gum has been the name on the lips of all chewers pirouetting life’s forget me nots, forget me sometimes and forget me and I’ll report you to environmental services, Gareth, I mean that.

Cheers and always remember the dogs 🧡

Disgracey Solomon xxxxxxx

THE NICORETTE BALLET (WIP PT. 2) feat my pummelled gum warmed up under my armpit and other cheeky bits of the process.

Laaaaaa Corridor
Nananananaaaa corridor
NANNA NANNA NANNAA Dior weewee palli walli dior door

Sorry you just caught me in the middle of singing the opera song from the British airways tv advert from back in the day! Top tune.

Pummelling gum has been the name on the lips of all chewers pirouetting life’s forget me nots, forget me sometimes and forget me and I’ll report you to environmental services, Gareth, I mean that.

Cheers and always remember the dogs 🧡

Disgracey Solomon xxxxxxx

THE NICORETTE BALLET (WIP PT. 2) feat my pummelled gum warmed up under my armpit and other cheeky bits of the process.

Laaaaaa Corridor
Nananananaaaa corridor
NANNA NANNA NANNAA Dior weewee palli walli dior door

Sorry you just caught me in the middle of singing the opera song from the British airways tv advert from back in the day! Top tune.

Pummelling gum has been the name on the lips of all chewers pirouetting life’s forget me nots, forget me sometimes and forget me and I’ll report you to environmental services, Gareth, I mean that.

Cheers and always remember the dogs 🧡

Disgracey Solomon xxxxxxx

Guys you don’t need to worry about anything anymore because I’ve started making iridescent football stickers.

Cheers and 3-0 to Tuesday!

Les Banners-Manners xxxxxxx

Guys you don’t need to worry about anything anymore because I’ve started making iridescent football stickers.

Cheers and 3-0 to Tuesday!

Les Banners-Manners xxxxxxx

Guys you don’t need to worry about anything anymore because I’ve started making iridescent football stickers.

Cheers and 3-0 to Tuesday!

Les Banners-Manners xxxxxxx

Guys you don’t need to worry about anything anymore because I’ve started making iridescent football stickers.

Cheers and 3-0 to Tuesday!

Les Banners-Manners xxxxxxx

Guys you don’t need to worry about anything anymore because I’ve started making iridescent football stickers.

Cheers and 3-0 to Tuesday!

Les Banners-Manners xxxxxxx

Yesyes on this day in January 1944 I was born alongside one of the most innovative intergalactic inventions of all time- human blutac.
Please join me in commemorating this pioneering scientific discovery and raise a glass to the rashes of my ageing skin- (recurring eye eczema to be exact), and to the almighty goddess of Hertfordshire, Hydrocortisone.

Yours in the raging sun of Aries,

And for the last bloody time- ee i ee i oh,

Lady Quantam McDonald xxxxxx

Good evening frisky chickens and all those both cooping and coping.

This evening I share a nugget from the bed of burgers, one referred to as “Rosemary’s baby for those who don’t season their salads with traditional opinions”.

Some closeups of the hanging bits from Baby Mobile / Mobile Baby (a sculpture made of all kinds of things I can’t find the list in my notes but it’s spicy as petrol sauce).

And a poem by his royal esteemed bedfellow of the crumpet, Dr H Galbertross entitled “Mottled chairs? Bottled stares” from c. 1934.

Cheers and if you made it through that then an extra slice of esteem to you and yours,

Stay blessed always,

Mrs. H. Elbows xxxxxxx

Good evening frisky chickens and all those both cooping and coping.

This evening I share a nugget from the bed of burgers, one referred to as “Rosemary’s baby for those who don’t season their salads with traditional opinions”.

Some closeups of the hanging bits from Baby Mobile / Mobile Baby (a sculpture made of all kinds of things I can’t find the list in my notes but it’s spicy as petrol sauce).

And a poem by his royal esteemed bedfellow of the crumpet, Dr H Galbertross entitled “Mottled chairs? Bottled stares” from c. 1934.

Cheers and if you made it through that then an extra slice of esteem to you and yours,

Stay blessed always,

Mrs. H. Elbows xxxxxxx

Good evening frisky chickens and all those both cooping and coping.

This evening I share a nugget from the bed of burgers, one referred to as “Rosemary’s baby for those who don’t season their salads with traditional opinions”.

Some closeups of the hanging bits from Baby Mobile / Mobile Baby (a sculpture made of all kinds of things I can’t find the list in my notes but it’s spicy as petrol sauce).

And a poem by his royal esteemed bedfellow of the crumpet, Dr H Galbertross entitled “Mottled chairs? Bottled stares” from c. 1934.

Cheers and if you made it through that then an extra slice of esteem to you and yours,

Stay blessed always,

Mrs. H. Elbows xxxxxxx

Good evening frisky chickens and all those both cooping and coping.

This evening I share a nugget from the bed of burgers, one referred to as “Rosemary’s baby for those who don’t season their salads with traditional opinions”.

Some closeups of the hanging bits from Baby Mobile / Mobile Baby (a sculpture made of all kinds of things I can’t find the list in my notes but it’s spicy as petrol sauce).

And a poem by his royal esteemed bedfellow of the crumpet, Dr H Galbertross entitled “Mottled chairs? Bottled stares” from c. 1934.

Cheers and if you made it through that then an extra slice of esteem to you and yours,

Stay blessed always,

Mrs. H. Elbows xxxxxxx

Good evening frisky chickens and all those both cooping and coping.

This evening I share a nugget from the bed of burgers, one referred to as “Rosemary’s baby for those who don’t season their salads with traditional opinions”.

Some closeups of the hanging bits from Baby Mobile / Mobile Baby (a sculpture made of all kinds of things I can’t find the list in my notes but it’s spicy as petrol sauce).

And a poem by his royal esteemed bedfellow of the crumpet, Dr H Galbertross entitled “Mottled chairs? Bottled stares” from c. 1934.

Cheers and if you made it through that then an extra slice of esteem to you and yours,

Stay blessed always,

Mrs. H. Elbows xxxxxxx

𝘉𝘢𝘣𝘺 𝘔𝘰𝘣𝘪𝘭𝘦

Stones, epoxy putty, bone, glazed stoneware, hair, latex, iron,disco ball motor.

For hire as a children’s entertainer and between me and you it’s not half bad at disorientating poorly behaved clergymen either.

Spin the wheels and win the deals,

Captain Crisp xxxxx

⚠️ flash warning ⚠️

I’M A DREAMER (2020)

When the party balloons start talking back you know it’s time to tie the knot with a couple of ibuprofen, pop the canister on the bannister and call it a night to remember.

Cheers, beers, tears and top gears,

Jesus H Clarkson xxxxxx

🐓 𝑷𝑼𝑷𝑷𝑬𝑻 𝑳𝑶𝑽𝑬 🧑‍🎄

Apparently in 2017 I was busy filming very sensual woollen scenarios on my handicam so you didn’t have to.

I’m not asking for any formal thanks or congratulations but if you’d like to reach out informally you can contact me any time between 6-11 on Saturdays so long as it’s telepathically and in the key of E minor.

Cheers and rub up only the humblest cubs,

Club Husband 🥪 xxxxxxx

🐓 𝑷𝑼𝑷𝑷𝑬𝑻 𝑳𝑶𝑽𝑬 🧑‍🎄

Apparently in 2017 I was busy filming very sensual woollen scenarios on my handicam so you didn’t have to.

I’m not asking for any formal thanks or congratulations but if you’d like to reach out informally you can contact me any time between 6-11 on Saturdays so long as it’s telepathically and in the key of E minor.

Cheers and rub up only the humblest cubs,

Club Husband 🥪 xxxxxxx

🐓 𝑷𝑼𝑷𝑷𝑬𝑻 𝑳𝑶𝑽𝑬 🧑‍🎄

Apparently in 2017 I was busy filming very sensual woollen scenarios on my handicam so you didn’t have to.

I’m not asking for any formal thanks or congratulations but if you’d like to reach out informally you can contact me any time between 6-11 on Saturdays so long as it’s telepathically and in the key of E minor.

Cheers and rub up only the humblest cubs,

Club Husband 🥪 xxxxxxx

🐓 𝑷𝑼𝑷𝑷𝑬𝑻 𝑳𝑶𝑽𝑬 🧑‍🎄

Apparently in 2017 I was busy filming very sensual woollen scenarios on my handicam so you didn’t have to.

I’m not asking for any formal thanks or congratulations but if you’d like to reach out informally you can contact me any time between 6-11 on Saturdays so long as it’s telepathically and in the key of E minor.

Cheers and rub up only the humblest cubs,

Club Husband 🥪 xxxxxxx

🐓 𝑷𝑼𝑷𝑷𝑬𝑻 𝑳𝑶𝑽𝑬 🧑‍🎄

Apparently in 2017 I was busy filming very sensual woollen scenarios on my handicam so you didn’t have to.

I’m not asking for any formal thanks or congratulations but if you’d like to reach out informally you can contact me any time between 6-11 on Saturdays so long as it’s telepathically and in the key of E minor.

Cheers and rub up only the humblest cubs,

Club Husband 🥪 xxxxxxx

🐓 𝑷𝑼𝑷𝑷𝑬𝑻 𝑳𝑶𝑽𝑬 🧑‍🎄

Apparently in 2017 I was busy filming very sensual woollen scenarios on my handicam so you didn’t have to.

I’m not asking for any formal thanks or congratulations but if you’d like to reach out informally you can contact me any time between 6-11 on Saturdays so long as it’s telepathically and in the key of E minor.

Cheers and rub up only the humblest cubs,

Club Husband 🥪 xxxxxxx

Been working on converting nicorette blister packs into church windows.

So far atm just WIPS/MISTER WIPPIES 🍦 (as they’re known in the industry iykyk mainly an in joke with myself hahaha god you’re so funny wanna go on a date with me?)

So far I’ve been approached by the deacons of Ely and Bedford cathedrals and a cafe in Axminster called “Jesus Pam Don’t Burn the Polly Pockets They’re Reusable” to have them installed above the altars.

So just considering my options atm.

Cheers and stain the mainland,

Garnish Watson xxxxxx

Been working on converting nicorette blister packs into church windows.

So far atm just WIPS/MISTER WIPPIES 🍦 (as they’re known in the industry iykyk mainly an in joke with myself hahaha god you’re so funny wanna go on a date with me?)

So far I’ve been approached by the deacons of Ely and Bedford cathedrals and a cafe in Axminster called “Jesus Pam Don’t Burn the Polly Pockets They’re Reusable” to have them installed above the altars.

So just considering my options atm.

Cheers and stain the mainland,

Garnish Watson xxxxxx

Been working on converting nicorette blister packs into church windows.

So far atm just WIPS/MISTER WIPPIES 🍦 (as they’re known in the industry iykyk mainly an in joke with myself hahaha god you’re so funny wanna go on a date with me?)

So far I’ve been approached by the deacons of Ely and Bedford cathedrals and a cafe in Axminster called “Jesus Pam Don’t Burn the Polly Pockets They’re Reusable” to have them installed above the altars.

So just considering my options atm.

Cheers and stain the mainland,

Garnish Watson xxxxxx

Been working on converting nicorette blister packs into church windows.

So far atm just WIPS/MISTER WIPPIES 🍦 (as they’re known in the industry iykyk mainly an in joke with myself hahaha god you’re so funny wanna go on a date with me?)

So far I’ve been approached by the deacons of Ely and Bedford cathedrals and a cafe in Axminster called “Jesus Pam Don’t Burn the Polly Pockets They’re Reusable” to have them installed above the altars.

So just considering my options atm.

Cheers and stain the mainland,

Garnish Watson xxxxxx

Been working on converting nicorette blister packs into church windows.

So far atm just WIPS/MISTER WIPPIES 🍦 (as they’re known in the industry iykyk mainly an in joke with myself hahaha god you’re so funny wanna go on a date with me?)

So far I’ve been approached by the deacons of Ely and Bedford cathedrals and a cafe in Axminster called “Jesus Pam Don’t Burn the Polly Pockets They’re Reusable” to have them installed above the altars.

So just considering my options atm.

Cheers and stain the mainland,

Garnish Watson xxxxxx

Been working on converting nicorette blister packs into church windows.

So far atm just WIPS/MISTER WIPPIES 🍦 (as they’re known in the industry iykyk mainly an in joke with myself hahaha god you’re so funny wanna go on a date with me?)

So far I’ve been approached by the deacons of Ely and Bedford cathedrals and a cafe in Axminster called “Jesus Pam Don’t Burn the Polly Pockets They’re Reusable” to have them installed above the altars.

So just considering my options atm.

Cheers and stain the mainland,

Garnish Watson xxxxxx

Been working on converting nicorette blister packs into church windows.

So far atm just WIPS/MISTER WIPPIES 🍦 (as they’re known in the industry iykyk mainly an in joke with myself hahaha god you’re so funny wanna go on a date with me?)

So far I’ve been approached by the deacons of Ely and Bedford cathedrals and a cafe in Axminster called “Jesus Pam Don’t Burn the Polly Pockets They’re Reusable” to have them installed above the altars.

So just considering my options atm.

Cheers and stain the mainland,

Garnish Watson xxxxxx