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fears____

Fears

Constance
makin music, makin records, makin dresses, managing artists
@mhaolmusic @tullecollective

42
posts
2.5K
followers
3K
following

the folks at @mergerecords asked me to share some of my faves of 2025 :)


148
4
5 months ago


the folks at @mergerecords asked me to share some of my faves of 2025 :)


148
4
5 months ago

the folks at @mergerecords asked me to share some of my faves of 2025 :)


148
4
5 months ago

the folks at @mergerecords asked me to share some of my faves of 2025 :)


148
4
5 months ago

the folks at @mergerecords asked me to share some of my faves of 2025 :)


148
4
5 months ago

the folks at @mergerecords asked me to share some of my faves of 2025 :)


148
4
5 months ago

the folks at @mergerecords asked me to share some of my faves of 2025 :)


148
4
5 months ago

the folks at @mergerecords asked me to share some of my faves of 2025 :)


148
4
5 months ago


188
3
5 months ago

188
3
5 months ago

released an album today with my friends :) thanks so much @jwwheel @emilykendrick86 @mergerecords @tullecollective @pixiecutband and countless other people who helped us get this baby across the line. written in about 10 days and recorded in 5, Something Soft by @mhaolmusic is out now x

📷 @caitfa


177
6
1 years ago

released an album today with my friends :) thanks so much @jwwheel @emilykendrick86 @mergerecords @tullecollective @pixiecutband and countless other people who helped us get this baby across the line. written in about 10 days and recorded in 5, Something Soft by @mhaolmusic is out now x

📷 @caitfa


177
6
1 years ago

released an album today with my friends :) thanks so much @jwwheel @emilykendrick86 @mergerecords @tullecollective @pixiecutband and countless other people who helped us get this baby across the line. written in about 10 days and recorded in 5, Something Soft by @mhaolmusic is out now x

📷 @caitfa


177
6
1 years ago

coming out of relative retirement this week to play with the wonderful @the_null_club in Dublin on Fri

will be playing some new stuff :)


121
1 years ago

coming out of relative retirement this week to play with the wonderful @the_null_club in Dublin on Fri

will be playing some new stuff :)


121
1 years ago


coming out of relative retirement this week to play with the wonderful @the_null_club in Dublin on Fri

will be playing some new stuff :)


121
1 years ago

dump.mov

wow what’s this a grid post from Connie for the first time in months ?2024 was professionally great, artistically mid, personally high and low, and mentally iffy.

I got a bit sick again in March and had to go home for a while to feel like I’m in my own body and figure out medication. A symptom of CPTSD is a thing called derealisation, which I got for a bit years ago when I was recovering after hospital. For one reason or another, it arrived again in March and just stayed. I don’t know how to describe it other than not being able to cross a road because you can’t tell how close the cars are to you. The first thing you do when you wake up is check that your hands are attached to your body, and you’re able to move your toes.

It happened just before Poppy’s cancer diagnosis, so while I’m frustrated that my brain reverted back to some old ways of thinking and I had to return home, I got to spend precious time with my girl before she passed.

Over time with therapy and medication, it has eased enough for me to be able to salvage parts of the year with special people in special places, not only figuring out how to leave the house alone again, but travelling to new places with new people. I love my life, and I’m so lucky to feel I’m living it.

If anyone else here has experienced it or is worried it’ll never end, feel free to reach out. I hadn’t met other people who had it and because of that thought I was well and truly fucked and would be stuck in a simulation forever. I still get patches of it but it no longer occupies my mind 24/7. Do I spend those patches thinking maybe I already died and now I’m just haunting the people around me? Maybe! But life is life.

best wishes kind regards yours sincerely,
C x


231
15
1 years ago

dump.mov

wow what’s this a grid post from Connie for the first time in months ?2024 was professionally great, artistically mid, personally high and low, and mentally iffy.

I got a bit sick again in March and had to go home for a while to feel like I’m in my own body and figure out medication. A symptom of CPTSD is a thing called derealisation, which I got for a bit years ago when I was recovering after hospital. For one reason or another, it arrived again in March and just stayed. I don’t know how to describe it other than not being able to cross a road because you can’t tell how close the cars are to you. The first thing you do when you wake up is check that your hands are attached to your body, and you’re able to move your toes.

It happened just before Poppy’s cancer diagnosis, so while I’m frustrated that my brain reverted back to some old ways of thinking and I had to return home, I got to spend precious time with my girl before she passed.

Over time with therapy and medication, it has eased enough for me to be able to salvage parts of the year with special people in special places, not only figuring out how to leave the house alone again, but travelling to new places with new people. I love my life, and I’m so lucky to feel I’m living it.

If anyone else here has experienced it or is worried it’ll never end, feel free to reach out. I hadn’t met other people who had it and because of that thought I was well and truly fucked and would be stuck in a simulation forever. I still get patches of it but it no longer occupies my mind 24/7. Do I spend those patches thinking maybe I already died and now I’m just haunting the people around me? Maybe! But life is life.

best wishes kind regards yours sincerely,
C x


231
15
1 years ago

dump.mov

wow what’s this a grid post from Connie for the first time in months ?2024 was professionally great, artistically mid, personally high and low, and mentally iffy.

I got a bit sick again in March and had to go home for a while to feel like I’m in my own body and figure out medication. A symptom of CPTSD is a thing called derealisation, which I got for a bit years ago when I was recovering after hospital. For one reason or another, it arrived again in March and just stayed. I don’t know how to describe it other than not being able to cross a road because you can’t tell how close the cars are to you. The first thing you do when you wake up is check that your hands are attached to your body, and you’re able to move your toes.

It happened just before Poppy’s cancer diagnosis, so while I’m frustrated that my brain reverted back to some old ways of thinking and I had to return home, I got to spend precious time with my girl before she passed.

Over time with therapy and medication, it has eased enough for me to be able to salvage parts of the year with special people in special places, not only figuring out how to leave the house alone again, but travelling to new places with new people. I love my life, and I’m so lucky to feel I’m living it.

If anyone else here has experienced it or is worried it’ll never end, feel free to reach out. I hadn’t met other people who had it and because of that thought I was well and truly fucked and would be stuck in a simulation forever. I still get patches of it but it no longer occupies my mind 24/7. Do I spend those patches thinking maybe I already died and now I’m just haunting the people around me? Maybe! But life is life.

best wishes kind regards yours sincerely,
C x


231
15
1 years ago

dump.mov

wow what’s this a grid post from Connie for the first time in months ?2024 was professionally great, artistically mid, personally high and low, and mentally iffy.

I got a bit sick again in March and had to go home for a while to feel like I’m in my own body and figure out medication. A symptom of CPTSD is a thing called derealisation, which I got for a bit years ago when I was recovering after hospital. For one reason or another, it arrived again in March and just stayed. I don’t know how to describe it other than not being able to cross a road because you can’t tell how close the cars are to you. The first thing you do when you wake up is check that your hands are attached to your body, and you’re able to move your toes.

It happened just before Poppy’s cancer diagnosis, so while I’m frustrated that my brain reverted back to some old ways of thinking and I had to return home, I got to spend precious time with my girl before she passed.

Over time with therapy and medication, it has eased enough for me to be able to salvage parts of the year with special people in special places, not only figuring out how to leave the house alone again, but travelling to new places with new people. I love my life, and I’m so lucky to feel I’m living it.

If anyone else here has experienced it or is worried it’ll never end, feel free to reach out. I hadn’t met other people who had it and because of that thought I was well and truly fucked and would be stuck in a simulation forever. I still get patches of it but it no longer occupies my mind 24/7. Do I spend those patches thinking maybe I already died and now I’m just haunting the people around me? Maybe! But life is life.

best wishes kind regards yours sincerely,
C x


231
15
1 years ago

dump.mov

wow what’s this a grid post from Connie for the first time in months ?2024 was professionally great, artistically mid, personally high and low, and mentally iffy.

I got a bit sick again in March and had to go home for a while to feel like I’m in my own body and figure out medication. A symptom of CPTSD is a thing called derealisation, which I got for a bit years ago when I was recovering after hospital. For one reason or another, it arrived again in March and just stayed. I don’t know how to describe it other than not being able to cross a road because you can’t tell how close the cars are to you. The first thing you do when you wake up is check that your hands are attached to your body, and you’re able to move your toes.

It happened just before Poppy’s cancer diagnosis, so while I’m frustrated that my brain reverted back to some old ways of thinking and I had to return home, I got to spend precious time with my girl before she passed.

Over time with therapy and medication, it has eased enough for me to be able to salvage parts of the year with special people in special places, not only figuring out how to leave the house alone again, but travelling to new places with new people. I love my life, and I’m so lucky to feel I’m living it.

If anyone else here has experienced it or is worried it’ll never end, feel free to reach out. I hadn’t met other people who had it and because of that thought I was well and truly fucked and would be stuck in a simulation forever. I still get patches of it but it no longer occupies my mind 24/7. Do I spend those patches thinking maybe I already died and now I’m just haunting the people around me? Maybe! But life is life.

best wishes kind regards yours sincerely,
C x


231
15
1 years ago


dump.mov

wow what’s this a grid post from Connie for the first time in months ?2024 was professionally great, artistically mid, personally high and low, and mentally iffy.

I got a bit sick again in March and had to go home for a while to feel like I’m in my own body and figure out medication. A symptom of CPTSD is a thing called derealisation, which I got for a bit years ago when I was recovering after hospital. For one reason or another, it arrived again in March and just stayed. I don’t know how to describe it other than not being able to cross a road because you can’t tell how close the cars are to you. The first thing you do when you wake up is check that your hands are attached to your body, and you’re able to move your toes.

It happened just before Poppy’s cancer diagnosis, so while I’m frustrated that my brain reverted back to some old ways of thinking and I had to return home, I got to spend precious time with my girl before she passed.

Over time with therapy and medication, it has eased enough for me to be able to salvage parts of the year with special people in special places, not only figuring out how to leave the house alone again, but travelling to new places with new people. I love my life, and I’m so lucky to feel I’m living it.

If anyone else here has experienced it or is worried it’ll never end, feel free to reach out. I hadn’t met other people who had it and because of that thought I was well and truly fucked and would be stuck in a simulation forever. I still get patches of it but it no longer occupies my mind 24/7. Do I spend those patches thinking maybe I already died and now I’m just haunting the people around me? Maybe! But life is life.

best wishes kind regards yours sincerely,
C x


231
15
1 years ago

dump.mov

wow what’s this a grid post from Connie for the first time in months ?2024 was professionally great, artistically mid, personally high and low, and mentally iffy.

I got a bit sick again in March and had to go home for a while to feel like I’m in my own body and figure out medication. A symptom of CPTSD is a thing called derealisation, which I got for a bit years ago when I was recovering after hospital. For one reason or another, it arrived again in March and just stayed. I don’t know how to describe it other than not being able to cross a road because you can’t tell how close the cars are to you. The first thing you do when you wake up is check that your hands are attached to your body, and you’re able to move your toes.

It happened just before Poppy’s cancer diagnosis, so while I’m frustrated that my brain reverted back to some old ways of thinking and I had to return home, I got to spend precious time with my girl before she passed.

Over time with therapy and medication, it has eased enough for me to be able to salvage parts of the year with special people in special places, not only figuring out how to leave the house alone again, but travelling to new places with new people. I love my life, and I’m so lucky to feel I’m living it.

If anyone else here has experienced it or is worried it’ll never end, feel free to reach out. I hadn’t met other people who had it and because of that thought I was well and truly fucked and would be stuck in a simulation forever. I still get patches of it but it no longer occupies my mind 24/7. Do I spend those patches thinking maybe I already died and now I’m just haunting the people around me? Maybe! But life is life.

best wishes kind regards yours sincerely,
C x


231
15
1 years ago

dump.mov

wow what’s this a grid post from Connie for the first time in months ?2024 was professionally great, artistically mid, personally high and low, and mentally iffy.

I got a bit sick again in March and had to go home for a while to feel like I’m in my own body and figure out medication. A symptom of CPTSD is a thing called derealisation, which I got for a bit years ago when I was recovering after hospital. For one reason or another, it arrived again in March and just stayed. I don’t know how to describe it other than not being able to cross a road because you can’t tell how close the cars are to you. The first thing you do when you wake up is check that your hands are attached to your body, and you’re able to move your toes.

It happened just before Poppy’s cancer diagnosis, so while I’m frustrated that my brain reverted back to some old ways of thinking and I had to return home, I got to spend precious time with my girl before she passed.

Over time with therapy and medication, it has eased enough for me to be able to salvage parts of the year with special people in special places, not only figuring out how to leave the house alone again, but travelling to new places with new people. I love my life, and I’m so lucky to feel I’m living it.

If anyone else here has experienced it or is worried it’ll never end, feel free to reach out. I hadn’t met other people who had it and because of that thought I was well and truly fucked and would be stuck in a simulation forever. I still get patches of it but it no longer occupies my mind 24/7. Do I spend those patches thinking maybe I already died and now I’m just haunting the people around me? Maybe! But life is life.

best wishes kind regards yours sincerely,
C x


231
15
1 years ago

dump.mov

wow what’s this a grid post from Connie for the first time in months ?2024 was professionally great, artistically mid, personally high and low, and mentally iffy.

I got a bit sick again in March and had to go home for a while to feel like I’m in my own body and figure out medication. A symptom of CPTSD is a thing called derealisation, which I got for a bit years ago when I was recovering after hospital. For one reason or another, it arrived again in March and just stayed. I don’t know how to describe it other than not being able to cross a road because you can’t tell how close the cars are to you. The first thing you do when you wake up is check that your hands are attached to your body, and you’re able to move your toes.

It happened just before Poppy’s cancer diagnosis, so while I’m frustrated that my brain reverted back to some old ways of thinking and I had to return home, I got to spend precious time with my girl before she passed.

Over time with therapy and medication, it has eased enough for me to be able to salvage parts of the year with special people in special places, not only figuring out how to leave the house alone again, but travelling to new places with new people. I love my life, and I’m so lucky to feel I’m living it.

If anyone else here has experienced it or is worried it’ll never end, feel free to reach out. I hadn’t met other people who had it and because of that thought I was well and truly fucked and would be stuck in a simulation forever. I still get patches of it but it no longer occupies my mind 24/7. Do I spend those patches thinking maybe I already died and now I’m just haunting the people around me? Maybe! But life is life.

best wishes kind regards yours sincerely,
C x


231
15
1 years ago

dump.mov

wow what’s this a grid post from Connie for the first time in months ?2024 was professionally great, artistically mid, personally high and low, and mentally iffy.

I got a bit sick again in March and had to go home for a while to feel like I’m in my own body and figure out medication. A symptom of CPTSD is a thing called derealisation, which I got for a bit years ago when I was recovering after hospital. For one reason or another, it arrived again in March and just stayed. I don’t know how to describe it other than not being able to cross a road because you can’t tell how close the cars are to you. The first thing you do when you wake up is check that your hands are attached to your body, and you’re able to move your toes.

It happened just before Poppy’s cancer diagnosis, so while I’m frustrated that my brain reverted back to some old ways of thinking and I had to return home, I got to spend precious time with my girl before she passed.

Over time with therapy and medication, it has eased enough for me to be able to salvage parts of the year with special people in special places, not only figuring out how to leave the house alone again, but travelling to new places with new people. I love my life, and I’m so lucky to feel I’m living it.

If anyone else here has experienced it or is worried it’ll never end, feel free to reach out. I hadn’t met other people who had it and because of that thought I was well and truly fucked and would be stuck in a simulation forever. I still get patches of it but it no longer occupies my mind 24/7. Do I spend those patches thinking maybe I already died and now I’m just haunting the people around me? Maybe! But life is life.

best wishes kind regards yours sincerely,
C x


231
15
1 years ago

dump.mov

wow what’s this a grid post from Connie for the first time in months ?2024 was professionally great, artistically mid, personally high and low, and mentally iffy.

I got a bit sick again in March and had to go home for a while to feel like I’m in my own body and figure out medication. A symptom of CPTSD is a thing called derealisation, which I got for a bit years ago when I was recovering after hospital. For one reason or another, it arrived again in March and just stayed. I don’t know how to describe it other than not being able to cross a road because you can’t tell how close the cars are to you. The first thing you do when you wake up is check that your hands are attached to your body, and you’re able to move your toes.

It happened just before Poppy’s cancer diagnosis, so while I’m frustrated that my brain reverted back to some old ways of thinking and I had to return home, I got to spend precious time with my girl before she passed.

Over time with therapy and medication, it has eased enough for me to be able to salvage parts of the year with special people in special places, not only figuring out how to leave the house alone again, but travelling to new places with new people. I love my life, and I’m so lucky to feel I’m living it.

If anyone else here has experienced it or is worried it’ll never end, feel free to reach out. I hadn’t met other people who had it and because of that thought I was well and truly fucked and would be stuck in a simulation forever. I still get patches of it but it no longer occupies my mind 24/7. Do I spend those patches thinking maybe I already died and now I’m just haunting the people around me? Maybe! But life is life.

best wishes kind regards yours sincerely,
C x


231
15
1 years ago

dump.mov

wow what’s this a grid post from Connie for the first time in months ?2024 was professionally great, artistically mid, personally high and low, and mentally iffy.

I got a bit sick again in March and had to go home for a while to feel like I’m in my own body and figure out medication. A symptom of CPTSD is a thing called derealisation, which I got for a bit years ago when I was recovering after hospital. For one reason or another, it arrived again in March and just stayed. I don’t know how to describe it other than not being able to cross a road because you can’t tell how close the cars are to you. The first thing you do when you wake up is check that your hands are attached to your body, and you’re able to move your toes.

It happened just before Poppy’s cancer diagnosis, so while I’m frustrated that my brain reverted back to some old ways of thinking and I had to return home, I got to spend precious time with my girl before she passed.

Over time with therapy and medication, it has eased enough for me to be able to salvage parts of the year with special people in special places, not only figuring out how to leave the house alone again, but travelling to new places with new people. I love my life, and I’m so lucky to feel I’m living it.

If anyone else here has experienced it or is worried it’ll never end, feel free to reach out. I hadn’t met other people who had it and because of that thought I was well and truly fucked and would be stuck in a simulation forever. I still get patches of it but it no longer occupies my mind 24/7. Do I spend those patches thinking maybe I already died and now I’m just haunting the people around me? Maybe! But life is life.

best wishes kind regards yours sincerely,
C x


231
15
1 years ago

dump.mov

wow what’s this a grid post from Connie for the first time in months ?2024 was professionally great, artistically mid, personally high and low, and mentally iffy.

I got a bit sick again in March and had to go home for a while to feel like I’m in my own body and figure out medication. A symptom of CPTSD is a thing called derealisation, which I got for a bit years ago when I was recovering after hospital. For one reason or another, it arrived again in March and just stayed. I don’t know how to describe it other than not being able to cross a road because you can’t tell how close the cars are to you. The first thing you do when you wake up is check that your hands are attached to your body, and you’re able to move your toes.

It happened just before Poppy’s cancer diagnosis, so while I’m frustrated that my brain reverted back to some old ways of thinking and I had to return home, I got to spend precious time with my girl before she passed.

Over time with therapy and medication, it has eased enough for me to be able to salvage parts of the year with special people in special places, not only figuring out how to leave the house alone again, but travelling to new places with new people. I love my life, and I’m so lucky to feel I’m living it.

If anyone else here has experienced it or is worried it’ll never end, feel free to reach out. I hadn’t met other people who had it and because of that thought I was well and truly fucked and would be stuck in a simulation forever. I still get patches of it but it no longer occupies my mind 24/7. Do I spend those patches thinking maybe I already died and now I’m just haunting the people around me? Maybe! But life is life.

best wishes kind regards yours sincerely,
C x


231
15
1 years ago

dump.mov

wow what’s this a grid post from Connie for the first time in months ?2024 was professionally great, artistically mid, personally high and low, and mentally iffy.

I got a bit sick again in March and had to go home for a while to feel like I’m in my own body and figure out medication. A symptom of CPTSD is a thing called derealisation, which I got for a bit years ago when I was recovering after hospital. For one reason or another, it arrived again in March and just stayed. I don’t know how to describe it other than not being able to cross a road because you can’t tell how close the cars are to you. The first thing you do when you wake up is check that your hands are attached to your body, and you’re able to move your toes.

It happened just before Poppy’s cancer diagnosis, so while I’m frustrated that my brain reverted back to some old ways of thinking and I had to return home, I got to spend precious time with my girl before she passed.

Over time with therapy and medication, it has eased enough for me to be able to salvage parts of the year with special people in special places, not only figuring out how to leave the house alone again, but travelling to new places with new people. I love my life, and I’m so lucky to feel I’m living it.

If anyone else here has experienced it or is worried it’ll never end, feel free to reach out. I hadn’t met other people who had it and because of that thought I was well and truly fucked and would be stuck in a simulation forever. I still get patches of it but it no longer occupies my mind 24/7. Do I spend those patches thinking maybe I already died and now I’m just haunting the people around me? Maybe! But life is life.

best wishes kind regards yours sincerely,
C x


231
15
1 years ago

dump.mov

wow what’s this a grid post from Connie for the first time in months ?2024 was professionally great, artistically mid, personally high and low, and mentally iffy.

I got a bit sick again in March and had to go home for a while to feel like I’m in my own body and figure out medication. A symptom of CPTSD is a thing called derealisation, which I got for a bit years ago when I was recovering after hospital. For one reason or another, it arrived again in March and just stayed. I don’t know how to describe it other than not being able to cross a road because you can’t tell how close the cars are to you. The first thing you do when you wake up is check that your hands are attached to your body, and you’re able to move your toes.

It happened just before Poppy’s cancer diagnosis, so while I’m frustrated that my brain reverted back to some old ways of thinking and I had to return home, I got to spend precious time with my girl before she passed.

Over time with therapy and medication, it has eased enough for me to be able to salvage parts of the year with special people in special places, not only figuring out how to leave the house alone again, but travelling to new places with new people. I love my life, and I’m so lucky to feel I’m living it.

If anyone else here has experienced it or is worried it’ll never end, feel free to reach out. I hadn’t met other people who had it and because of that thought I was well and truly fucked and would be stuck in a simulation forever. I still get patches of it but it no longer occupies my mind 24/7. Do I spend those patches thinking maybe I already died and now I’m just haunting the people around me? Maybe! But life is life.

best wishes kind regards yours sincerely,
C x


231
15
1 years ago

dump.mov

wow what’s this a grid post from Connie for the first time in months ?2024 was professionally great, artistically mid, personally high and low, and mentally iffy.

I got a bit sick again in March and had to go home for a while to feel like I’m in my own body and figure out medication. A symptom of CPTSD is a thing called derealisation, which I got for a bit years ago when I was recovering after hospital. For one reason or another, it arrived again in March and just stayed. I don’t know how to describe it other than not being able to cross a road because you can’t tell how close the cars are to you. The first thing you do when you wake up is check that your hands are attached to your body, and you’re able to move your toes.

It happened just before Poppy’s cancer diagnosis, so while I’m frustrated that my brain reverted back to some old ways of thinking and I had to return home, I got to spend precious time with my girl before she passed.

Over time with therapy and medication, it has eased enough for me to be able to salvage parts of the year with special people in special places, not only figuring out how to leave the house alone again, but travelling to new places with new people. I love my life, and I’m so lucky to feel I’m living it.

If anyone else here has experienced it or is worried it’ll never end, feel free to reach out. I hadn’t met other people who had it and because of that thought I was well and truly fucked and would be stuck in a simulation forever. I still get patches of it but it no longer occupies my mind 24/7. Do I spend those patches thinking maybe I already died and now I’m just haunting the people around me? Maybe! But life is life.

best wishes kind regards yours sincerely,
C x


231
15
1 years ago

dump.mov

wow what’s this a grid post from Connie for the first time in months ?2024 was professionally great, artistically mid, personally high and low, and mentally iffy.

I got a bit sick again in March and had to go home for a while to feel like I’m in my own body and figure out medication. A symptom of CPTSD is a thing called derealisation, which I got for a bit years ago when I was recovering after hospital. For one reason or another, it arrived again in March and just stayed. I don’t know how to describe it other than not being able to cross a road because you can’t tell how close the cars are to you. The first thing you do when you wake up is check that your hands are attached to your body, and you’re able to move your toes.

It happened just before Poppy’s cancer diagnosis, so while I’m frustrated that my brain reverted back to some old ways of thinking and I had to return home, I got to spend precious time with my girl before she passed.

Over time with therapy and medication, it has eased enough for me to be able to salvage parts of the year with special people in special places, not only figuring out how to leave the house alone again, but travelling to new places with new people. I love my life, and I’m so lucky to feel I’m living it.

If anyone else here has experienced it or is worried it’ll never end, feel free to reach out. I hadn’t met other people who had it and because of that thought I was well and truly fucked and would be stuck in a simulation forever. I still get patches of it but it no longer occupies my mind 24/7. Do I spend those patches thinking maybe I already died and now I’m just haunting the people around me? Maybe! But life is life.

best wishes kind regards yours sincerely,
C x


231
15
1 years ago

dump.mov

wow what’s this a grid post from Connie for the first time in months ?2024 was professionally great, artistically mid, personally high and low, and mentally iffy.

I got a bit sick again in March and had to go home for a while to feel like I’m in my own body and figure out medication. A symptom of CPTSD is a thing called derealisation, which I got for a bit years ago when I was recovering after hospital. For one reason or another, it arrived again in March and just stayed. I don’t know how to describe it other than not being able to cross a road because you can’t tell how close the cars are to you. The first thing you do when you wake up is check that your hands are attached to your body, and you’re able to move your toes.

It happened just before Poppy’s cancer diagnosis, so while I’m frustrated that my brain reverted back to some old ways of thinking and I had to return home, I got to spend precious time with my girl before she passed.

Over time with therapy and medication, it has eased enough for me to be able to salvage parts of the year with special people in special places, not only figuring out how to leave the house alone again, but travelling to new places with new people. I love my life, and I’m so lucky to feel I’m living it.

If anyone else here has experienced it or is worried it’ll never end, feel free to reach out. I hadn’t met other people who had it and because of that thought I was well and truly fucked and would be stuck in a simulation forever. I still get patches of it but it no longer occupies my mind 24/7. Do I spend those patches thinking maybe I already died and now I’m just haunting the people around me? Maybe! But life is life.

best wishes kind regards yours sincerely,
C x


231
15
1 years ago

hello everyone, hope you’re all having a lovely Friday. It’s two weeks today since ‘affinity’ came out and I wanted to thank you for the listens, gorgeous messages, and reviews.It means a lot that people have connected with work I make about my own brain. I’m a bit unwell at the moment so back in Ireland with family while my mind recalibrates. Hopefully will be back out in the wild soon :) x

📸 @_grimes


191
5
2 years ago

hello everyone, hope you’re all having a lovely Friday. It’s two weeks today since ‘affinity’ came out and I wanted to thank you for the listens, gorgeous messages, and reviews.It means a lot that people have connected with work I make about my own brain. I’m a bit unwell at the moment so back in Ireland with family while my mind recalibrates. Hopefully will be back out in the wild soon :) x

📸 @_grimes


191
5
2 years ago

hello everyone, hope you’re all having a lovely Friday. It’s two weeks today since ‘affinity’ came out and I wanted to thank you for the listens, gorgeous messages, and reviews.It means a lot that people have connected with work I make about my own brain. I’m a bit unwell at the moment so back in Ireland with family while my mind recalibrates. Hopefully will be back out in the wild soon :) x

📸 @_grimes


191
5
2 years ago

hello everyone, hope you’re all having a lovely Friday. It’s two weeks today since ‘affinity’ came out and I wanted to thank you for the listens, gorgeous messages, and reviews.It means a lot that people have connected with work I make about my own brain. I’m a bit unwell at the moment so back in Ireland with family while my mind recalibrates. Hopefully will be back out in the wild soon :) x

📸 @_grimes


191
5
2 years ago

hello everyone, hope you’re all having a lovely Friday. It’s two weeks today since ‘affinity’ came out and I wanted to thank you for the listens, gorgeous messages, and reviews.It means a lot that people have connected with work I make about my own brain. I’m a bit unwell at the moment so back in Ireland with family while my mind recalibrates. Hopefully will be back out in the wild soon :) x

📸 @_grimes


191
5
2 years ago

tl;dr thank you :)


301
29
2 years ago

tl;dr thank you :)


301
29
2 years ago

tl;dr thank you :)


301
29
2 years ago

tl;dr thank you :)


301
29
2 years ago

tl;dr thank you :)


301
29
2 years ago

one week of 11249 :) and some bits from the day I wrote it 🏙️

🎥 @zoefgreenway


84
2 years ago

one week of 11249 :) and some bits from the day I wrote it 🏙️

🎥 @zoefgreenway


84
2 years ago

one week of 11249 :) and some bits from the day I wrote it 🏙️

🎥 @zoefgreenway


84
2 years ago

one week of 11249 :) and some bits from the day I wrote it 🏙️

🎥 @zoefgreenway


84
2 years ago

one week of 11249 :) and some bits from the day I wrote it 🏙️

🎥 @zoefgreenway


84
2 years ago

last week I spoke to @vivadean and @breenbeen about one of my favourite topics - the impact space and place has on artistic work - for their gorgeous show ‘Digital Terrain’ on RTÉ Pulse. we also walked around my favourite place in london :) you can listen back at the link in my bio. thank you so much to them for having me 💕

📸 @vivadean


110
2 years ago

last week I spoke to @vivadean and @breenbeen about one of my favourite topics - the impact space and place has on artistic work - for their gorgeous show ‘Digital Terrain’ on RTÉ Pulse. we also walked around my favourite place in london :) you can listen back at the link in my bio. thank you so much to them for having me 💕

📸 @vivadean


110
2 years ago

last week I spoke to @vivadean and @breenbeen about one of my favourite topics - the impact space and place has on artistic work - for their gorgeous show ‘Digital Terrain’ on RTÉ Pulse. we also walked around my favourite place in london :) you can listen back at the link in my bio. thank you so much to them for having me 💕

📸 @vivadean


110
2 years ago

💕 busy day in Irish magazines today! dresses in both @stellarmagazine and @vip.magazine thanks to @zeda.does and @meganfoxfashion_

both are on Irish shelves from today so go pick up a copy 😊


141
7
4 years ago

💕 busy day in Irish magazines today! dresses in both @stellarmagazine and @vip.magazine thanks to @zeda.does and @meganfoxfashion_

both are on Irish shelves from today so go pick up a copy 😊


141
7
4 years ago

💕 busy day in Irish magazines today! dresses in both @stellarmagazine and @vip.magazine thanks to @zeda.does and @meganfoxfashion_

both are on Irish shelves from today so go pick up a copy 😊


141
7
4 years ago

It was such an honour to create a dress for @lapsleyyyy’s return to live shows at All Points East. We wanted to reflect the tones of the seaside in the north of England, and channel the water up there. huge thank you to her and @laurenrucha for giving me the opportunity to create something special for such an incredible artist x


266
15
4 years ago

It was such an honour to create a dress for @lapsleyyyy’s return to live shows at All Points East. We wanted to reflect the tones of the seaside in the north of England, and channel the water up there. huge thank you to her and @laurenrucha for giving me the opportunity to create something special for such an incredible artist x


266
15
4 years ago

It was such an honour to create a dress for @lapsleyyyy’s return to live shows at All Points East. We wanted to reflect the tones of the seaside in the north of England, and channel the water up there. huge thank you to her and @laurenrucha for giving me the opportunity to create something special for such an incredible artist x


266
15
4 years ago

It was such an honour to create a dress for @lapsleyyyy’s return to live shows at All Points East. We wanted to reflect the tones of the seaside in the north of England, and channel the water up there. huge thank you to her and @laurenrucha for giving me the opportunity to create something special for such an incredible artist x


266
15
4 years ago

It was such an honour to create a dress for @lapsleyyyy’s return to live shows at All Points East. We wanted to reflect the tones of the seaside in the north of England, and channel the water up there. huge thank you to her and @laurenrucha for giving me the opportunity to create something special for such an incredible artist x


266
15
4 years ago

It was such an honour to create a dress for @lapsleyyyy’s return to live shows at All Points East. We wanted to reflect the tones of the seaside in the north of England, and channel the water up there. huge thank you to her and @laurenrucha for giving me the opportunity to create something special for such an incredible artist x


266
15
4 years ago

😍 the stunning @ericacody wearing the Julie dress in @lifesundayindo 😍

📷 @anouskaphotography
styled by @oyinza @zeda.does


90
6
4 years ago


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